While I was slogging through my annual allergy ritual that drives/dives me down into the realm of Worf voice, I was listening to the truly lovely harmonies that appear on “Honeybee,” by Steam Powered Giraffe; and when taken altogether, that experience put me in a sort of a Barry White, Isaac Hayes kind of a mood… albeit the notion of those harmonies shifted towards representation by background vocals. That all coincided with my mulling over plans for the next phase of my life, which involves fairly imminent retirement. In that frame of being, it occurred to me that there might be someone out there looking for someone like me… someone else who would like a mature romantic relationship without fights, and an emphasis on staying together.

You know what I mean… a bond that involves snacks (as symbolic of loving someone just as they are).

So, all of a sudden, out poured these lyrics, albeit in this case I needed to go through more than the typical number of revisions.

Broadly, the problem was that I just wrote too much at first. I wanted the spoken, free narrative quality to appear in parts, but the music ended up plodding along repetitively: it was trying to cover too much material whose structure was too loose. There were too many topics being covered in the song, and each verse was having to act almost like two verses with a hook in the middle. That was just too cumbersome for the music, where the relaxed, calming, and sensuous melody was being simplified so it could just clump along like an onerous hike through mud; basically, the song wasn’t sure how it was going to cover all of that material in an interesting way, so it just broke down and repeated itself into boredom.

I had gone too far in trying to complete the whole structure for consistency’s sake, and stretched the song beyond its limits of being interesting, so I trimmed off about half of each verse, removing material that was just trying to fill in the less interesting subjects.

The refined result is much more pleasant.

Lyrics

You lookin' for a husband?

Maybe I should be your old man. (He could be the one.)

Yeah, I'm gonna retire soon. (A new lifetime.)

That stable income... feels so smooth.

No heavy debts to weigh us down.

Bills are always paid. (Paid in the shade.)

Watch me balance that budget. (Financial stability.)

You want more? (As security grows.)

My insurance is comprehensive. (Dental and vision)

And baby, you know what comes next...

We should have some snacks.

Oh yeah, baby. (Oh yeah.)

Let's have those snacks. (Those tasty snacks.)

We can relax with our snacks. (They can relax.)

You name it, lady.

You got it.

I'm all in.

All night long.

My kids are all grown and gone now. (Lone paradigm.)

The house to ourselves... me and you.

We can get our groove on, baby,

and watch some TV. (TV and movies.)

Or get all freaky and READ. (Read a whole book.)

You want more? (When loving each other.)

Then we could share deep conversation. (Gentle expression)

You crave it, lady.

I'll find it.

I'm here now.

Not going nowhere.

Never wanna waste time on fights. (Peace of mind.)

Our priority... you and me.

How we're gonna stay together.

Not scoring a win. (Begin within.)

Not when we can compromise. (Sweet compromise.)

You want more? (As time goes on.)

The only pressure is magic massage. (Perfect precision)

And honey, here's what you deserve...

We should have some snacks. (Evening snacks.)

Oh yeah, baby. (Oh yeah.)

Let's have those snacks. (Those tasty snacks.)

We can relax with our snacks. (They can relax.)

I'll give you what you need.

Chocolate. (Sweet chocolate.)

Popcorn. (Buttered popcorn.)

Ice cream. (Deluxe toppings.)

And peanuts. (Candy-coated for your pleasure.)

All night long.

I always take my meds on time. (Right on the dime.)

So we can stay up... until nine.

Maybe even til nine thirty,

if you're turnin' wild. (Wild and beguiled.)

Want adventure? We'll go crazy. (Crazy for you.)

You want more? (When the lights go down.)

Twin CPAPs breathe nightly harmonies. (Symphonic fusion)

You dreamed it, lady.

You found it.

I'm yours now.

For all time.

(Whatever she desires.)

(It's hers tonight.)

Let's just stay at home. (Home together.)

Fuzzy orthopedic slippers on. (Maximum comfort.)

That's what I call true love. (True love.)

You were looking for a husband...

And baby, you found him.

(She found him.)