I woke up with a musical fragment that prompted a song. 

I loved the idea of a story starting out with diligent preparations for an adventure in worldwide exploration, dangerous treks across forbidding wilderness, and a hardy band of intrepid wayfarers all gathered together at their point of departure, where the leader strides up onto the high ground in order to deliver an inspirational speech, quieting the crowd, taking a deep breath, and declaring…

“Let’s all pee before we go!”

It takes them a while to wrangle all of these rugged individuals, and make sure that they have all peed. And then they are no sooner ready to start out than the leader says, “Ok, now have you all put on sunscreen?”

So they commence to pummel.

I thought that the song might be all the better if it turned out that the excursion was for relatively mundane shopping.

And this has a Suomipop flavor to it, so you’ll occasionally hear things like “noice” for “nice.”

Lyrics

Home is nice and cozy

and we’d love to stay inside.

But we’re running out of stuff again

which means we must decide…

…to seize the spirit of exploration

and brave some wilderness navigation.

BUT

Before we brave the sun and snow

the markets dense and valleys low

the warehouse deep and mountains high…

We must chant our Shopper’s Cry

with voices raised up to the sky

so everyone inside will know…

Let’s all pee before we go!

You don’t have to?

I don’t care!

Get your goldarn ass in there!

Aim real good and let it flow!

Let’s all pee before we go!

We’re out of milk and bread and jam.

We can’t make Sam green eggs and ham.

You want all kinds of soda hues

in pinks and greens and reds and blues,

so browse some groceries we must do-z.

BUT

Before we brave the sun and snow

the markets dense and valleys low

the warehouse deep and mountains high…

We must chant our Shopper’s Cry

with voices raised up to the sky

so everyone inside will know…

Let’s all pee before we go!

You don’t have to?

I don’t care!

Get your goldarn ass in there!

Aim real good and let it flow!

Let’s all pee before we go!

No one wants to try on pants

or give white socks a second glance.

But you’ve outgrown your tennis shoes

and worn out all your Underoos,

so browse some clothies we must do-z.

BUT

Before we brave the sun and snow

the markets dense and valleys low

the warehouse deep and mountains high…

We must chant our Shopper’s Cry

with voices raised up to the sky

so everyone inside will know…

Let’s all pee before we go!

You don’t have to?

I don’t care!

Get your goldarn ass in there!

Aim real good and let it flow!

Let’s all pee before we go!

All the jumping broke the bed.

Well, that’s what your sibling said.

The toilet is completely blocked.

We know because You-Know-Who talked.

So browse some toolies we must do-z.

BUT

Before we brave the sun and snow

the markets dense and valleys low

the warehouse deep and mountains high…

We must chant our Shopper’s Cry

with voices raised up to the sky

so everyone inside will know…

Let’s all pee before we go!

You don’t have to?

I don’t care!

Get your goldarn ass in there!

Aim real good and let it flow!

Let’s all pee before we go!

Hey!

You heard me!

Get back here!

Right! I’m gonna count to three!

One…

Two…

Three!

[child voice]

(Okay! Okay! I’m peein’!)

Did you put on sunscreen!?