Merry Whatsis!

The following version does not have the aphasic bits in it:

There are at least two very broad types of traditional holiday carols (aside from the humorous ones), namely:

those that draw upon the Spirit of the holiday to remind people to try to do better (and heal the world, and so on); and
those that focus on the festive celebration (bells, presents, snow, Santa stuff, and so on).

My earlier carol is of the first, not-festive-go-lucky type.

This one is more celebratory, then, with a hwimsicore twist derived from my increasing issues with anomic aphasia. I just wondered what would happen if someone were trying to sing a carol like this for an album, but couldn’t retrieve familiar words, such as people’s names, where they started getting “help” from the other people in the studio.

I mean, the song’s not like, “🎶 Rudolph the Red-Nosed… 🎶 uh… crap.. sorry, sorry… what are the..? You know, have-antler-things, sleigh bells, pulls a sleigh… No! Not a malamute! What the hell kind of malamutes have you been… look, it’s uh… Reindeer! It’s reindeer!”

That said, there’s certainly that element to it.

Once that version was done, I wanted to hear the song without the aphasic pieces so I adjusted the lyrics (as shown below, after the main set) and regenerated it in stages. (Lots and lots and lots of stages.) The second track displayed above is the result.

Lyrics

Memories, stuck in the corners of my mind,

brilliant crystals, ever amber and enshrined.

Like paintings hung in galleries grand,

I see winter leaves on river sand.

Like diamonds scattered through the night,

I see shiny fish in streams of light.

Like stars that dance across the sky,

I see… uh… what’s it called? (Mincemeat pie?)

And what more perfect time of year

to call forth memories so clear. (Like?)

Standing there in flowers and lace,

through winter’s softly falling grace,

about to say “I do” to… her. (You mean your wife, Claire?)

Yes... Claire... thank you.

About to say “I do” to Claire,

while Christmas bells rang everywhere.

And just one Christmas later, blessed,

when winter brought us its very best. (Like…)

First cry piercing through the night,

under stars shining out so bright,

our beautiful bouncing baby, uh… him. (How `bout Fred?)

What? No! Who's Fred!? Come on. I got this, is it Rick? Ron? I’m singing about you... my um... boy. My boy.

Our beautiful bouncing baby boy,

who brought us Christmas morning joy.

And so much Christmas came and went,

some of the best times we ever spent. (Like?)

Under the tree, dressed up with care,

the best gift alive, our new, uh… animal thing. (Suspenders?)

What? Suspenders!? Jumpin’ Jehosaphat. Okay, what’s the word I’m looking for? Fetches balls? Pees on stuff? Wags its wagger! It barks? It’s uh… a puppy. It’s a puppy!

The best gift alive, our fuzzy new puppy,

making Christmas warm and, uh… huppy?

There’s always a loving Christmas start,

with beautiful, uh stuff, that um,

feelings, in my chest thingy. (Fart? That rhymes.)

What, did you just guess “fart”? Like “in my fart”? Holy Moses. It's “in my heart.” My heart. Bouncing baby bejeezus. Look, you’re not helping.

(Okay. Get a grip. We’re in the home stretch.)

Look, I have this thing,

where sometimes words get lost,

and that thing is called.

Uh.

There’s a name.

It’s called.

Um.

Dammit, I’m never gonna remember…

Wait, I got it! It’s anomic aphasia! It’s a-nom-nom-nom-ic freakin’ aphasia!

What a relief!

So even though my words might stray,

bright images light up my way.

Though names and words can hide from me,

I’ll treasure you all eternally.

And a merry, uh, ya know... thing.

A very merry… uh.

(jingle bells?)

(holly...)

(mistletoe...)

(egg nog...)

(Santa...)

(Oh to heck with it...)

A very Merry Whatsis! To one and all!

Thank heavens this is the end of the song!

And seriously, who guesses “suspenders”? Honest to goodness, I am so gonna smack you... with a fluffy stocking.

You’re just lucky it’s…