I have been an SLP for a couple of decades now, and I was remembering an event from very early on where a colleague’s spontaneous praise for a student made me snort, namely: “Nice /f/ in ‘coffee’.” (I wasn’t there. I was just told about this.)

That prompted a memory of a t-shirt that bore these sentiments (front and back, respectively):

• Student says: “Stupid speech teacher!”
• SLP says: “Nice /s/-blends.”

Those ymages triggered a whim, and I put some of those sorts of things together and came up with this song.

It was emotionally flavored by my strong belief that people should be helped to access whatever vocabulary they need in order to express whatever meanings they want, and not have SLPs be hampered by bluenose censorship.

Lyrics

We’re workin’ on your ‘eff’ sounds.

You’re learning to say ‘feet’ not ‘peet’, and

‘food’ not ‘pood’.

Now, today you said “coffee,” loud and clear.

So I said...

“Now that’s a nice ‘f’ in ‘coffee’, kiddo.”

We’re workin’ on your ‘bee’ sounds.

You're learning to say ‘butt’ not ‘futt’, and

    ‘boner’ not ‘phoner’.

Now, today you said “bossy,” loud and clear.

So I said...

“I love your ‘b’ in  ‘bossy’, buddy.”

Every sound’s a story.

Every word’s a way

to share what’s in your heart

no matter what the puck they say!

We're workin’ on your ‘pee’ sounds.

You're learning to say ‘prick’ not ‘brick’, and

    ‘piss’ not ‘biss’.

Now, today you said “party,” loud and clear.

So I said...

    “I heard your perfect ‘p’ in ‘party’, pal.”

We’re workin’ on your ‘eye’ sounds.

You’re learning to say ‘tired’ not ‘tard’, and

    ‘tight’ not ‘teat’.

Now, today you said “thigh,” loud and clear. (twice)

So I said...

    “Awesome ‘i’ in those ‘thighs’ there, chum.”

Every sound’s a story.

Every word’s a way

to share what’s in your heart

no matter what the faik they say!

I know I’m not your favorite

but you’ve still been bustin’ your ‘ess’.

So, if someday, you just have to say,

“Stupid speech teacher!”

It’s all okay…

On that day, I’ll just say...

“Nice s-blends, my friend.”